I wondered why God’s been so “quiet” lately. I’ve felt His presence during my prayer times, but my spiritual walk has definitely been a dim one. It’s difficult to describe, and maybe you’ve been there. You know those days you pray for a little while, but the rest of the time you accidentally forget God exists? I’ve been that Christian lately, the one who neglects his relationship with God without noticing.
I believe there’s lots of possible causes to God’s quietness, but He finally showed me what’s been going on. Without getting into too much detail, the lesson He taught me is this:
It’s easy to get too desperate about something – desperate to the point of making your desperation an idol (pardon the redundancy). For my part, I became so desperate to fix the problem that it ended up being all I cared about. My trust in God was replaced with panic. Then the panic turned to heartache, then the heartache to utter numbness.
I saw this girl online who talked about how her faith was more of a relationship than merely a religion. She wrote that God is her best friend, and she desires to run the race as hard as possible because of that. Truly, she loved God with all her might. With all her might! Think about the concept of that, what it means. To love God with all your might. With all my might.
I wasn’t loving Him with all my might because desperation had become my idol. All I’ve thought about lately are the things that trouble me. And while I prayed about them often, in my mind, God was never part of the equation. The future I feared was indeed one without His presence and action.
After reading that girl’s post (I hate calling her “that girl,” but I can’t remember her name), God made clear to me what I’ve been doing wrong. So, I asked Him to forgive me and be close to me once more. I used words much similar to how I’ve begged God to let me meet my future wife, because those words were appropriately adequate when describing how badly I need Him. God forgave me and then opened my eyes to the key: There is no desperation in Christ.
The Intricacies and Musings of a Madman 